$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We are all done wearing pants today
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
