just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
