dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
