So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
