My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
