woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
