I hate all girls vehemently.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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