when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
