When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
