I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
