I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she told me i tasted like america
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
