Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
