Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
