I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When are your genitals available?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
