yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
