yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
