please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
