She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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