pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
