physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
