ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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