hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
