the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
