She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
