are you still at the devil's house?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
