I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
