So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
