..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
