recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Less talking, more tequila
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
