I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
