i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
