i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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