I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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