what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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