I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You left your phone here
Wait...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
