she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
