Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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