Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
