He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
