Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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