I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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