On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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