your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
