Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
