After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
