i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
