margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
