do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
