ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
