i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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