I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
