literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
