Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
