If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
